Today on Titan

Today on Titan

Titanites are enjoying the view of the probe satellite Cassini, that silly little machine Earth sent on a meandering journey that took, like, forever to get here and once it did, to circle around aimlessly looking for us.

Can you imagine taking more than an hour to get anywhere in this galaxy without wanting to gouge your rear-facing eyes out over the tedium??

Not like there’s any living organism aboard the thingie. It’s just a laughably primitive heap meant to send back pictures to the Earthlings so they can marvel over our weather patterns and sheet. As if.

Let’s not get into a re-hash of all the debate in the past half-cycle about throwing shadows or sending up a couple scramblers or just vaporizing the thing. Remember the Saturn’s Got Talent segment when those kids did that PlanetE-Nuclear dance in a cardboard box number? Now THAT’S entertainment! You have to hand it to the vermin — they know how to party.

So the satellite is set to crash on our surface in a few Earth days (Daze…) and of COURSE, its trajectory is straight for Noodletown. Is that fitting or what? The whole community wants to do a neighborhood selfie in time for its last transmission which is a really funny idea until it dawns on you that all these Earthlings are gonna freak and then madly start building more buggies to fly over here to figure out what the hell and then we’ll have to… well you remember the whole Traxblix Invasion fiasco. Sigh… better to just let the thing crash in that deep hole we’ve prepared, fill it in, throw up a plaque and get on wid’a good stuff. I mean, who has time for this crap?

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